Gen Z is now being called the “loneliest generation,” after new survey data shows that young people are nearly twice as likely to be lonely compared with their older peers.
To talk about why that is—and more importantly, what campus and workplace leaders can do about it—Marketing Specialist and University of Rhode Island student Noah Gerace recently sat down with Marketing and Communications Manager and mentor Emily Fournier, where together they examined the catalysts, consequences, and potential solutions to this growing crisis.
Read their conversation below:
Emily: As someone who only recently made the transition into college, how has loneliness impacted your life and wellbeing?
Noah: When you have the desire to be among other people—as per our nature as humans—being alone can be very unpleasant. When I first came to college, I had a hard time finding a community that fit like a glove. I would have moments where I felt I didn’t belong, which wasn’t a fun feeling to have at a time when my sole desire was to find my “tribe.”
After my first year of school, however, I realized this feeling was going to be a repeating reality whenever I changed environments. That’s when I decided to shift my mentality and turned to philosophy and self-growth. I study what peace and happiness look like in our society and others. I work on productive thinking and try my best to stay busy in college. Through this, I have grown more used to loneliness than when I first started out. I still enjoy connecting with people and making friends, but my philosophy major and busy schedule have also taught me to appreciate being alone. I now see it as an opportunity to better understand myself and my emotions—and find that my wellbeing has improved because of this.
Emily: That’s awesome. And to your point—I think a lot of young people would benefit from having that shift in mindset, rather than relying solely on external factors to shape their sense of belonging.
As someone that lives, works, and learns alongside other members of Gen Z, how have you seen loneliness show up in the lives of your peers?
Noah: I see loneliness happen to everyone. For various reasons. But one thing I’ll say is that while I do think being alone is a good opportunity for self-reflection and internal growth, when technology is involved, I think that throws a wrench into things. With technology, you’re alone without reflection. Without reflection, you lose that opportunity to grow and mature. All around me, I see Gen Z, Millennials, and even Gen X all fall into the trap that is our tech.
I was talking to a friend about this recently. He met this girl through an online dating app and has been texting her for a few weeks now. He says things are going well—but texting can be stressful. When he messages her, he wants to have a flowing conversation that feels natural, but in reality, each might only get a phrase out every half hour to seven hours. In the meantime, he says he cannot focus on schoolwork or deep-thinking tasks because he’s preoccupied with forming a witty response whenever she eventually replies.
I see this behavior so often in texting culture and on social media. The ease of communicating through texting has made the flow of conversation unnatural, whether the thought of a replay or staying connected consumes our lives. Rather than having a clear head and practicing internal reflection when we’re alone, our minds are stuck on that unfinished conversation. We sit there alone, but our minds are elsewhere. With that mental stagnation, stress builds and we become lonely.
Ever since middle school, I have been no stranger to this issue, and even today I still catch myself struggling with this very dilemma. There is now such a societal dependency on having a phone and texting, that I think this generation has almost forgotten how to be alone without being lonely. There is so much at our fingertips drawing our minds elsewhere, that I worry our minds are now conditioned to crave that constant stimulus. If that is the case, how might we find the space or time to truly relax and mentally unwind? Have we forgotten how to meditate—to have our minds reflect and develop as they should?
Emily: I think those are some hard-hitting questions. And you’re absolutely right—I think especially for younger people, texting has completely stunted our ability to be alone and to use that time for personal growth.
On that note, I was wondering if you believe that Gen Z has fewer opportunities for meaningful connection? You talked about what your friend wanted from this budding relationship versus what he’s received. Are people in your generation still connecting in a way that’s desired and means something?
Noah: This is a good question: What makes a connection meaningful? I think for my generation, the problem is that we have too many opportunities to connect, all of which require so little effort.
I’ll compare the phenomenon to a movie I’ve seen. In the movie Cast Away, there is a scene where Chuck—played by Tom Hanks—ignites the flame of a lighter. It is so easy to get a flame going that Tom’s character feels nothing. However, when he later gets stuck on an island and needs to get a fire going—using sticks—the reaction is different. The rigorous effort and intense struggle to start a fire fills Tom’s character with joy when he eventually succeeds. The struggle, perseverance, and achievement of that scene perfectly mirror how people connect in person. There’s the struggle of walking into a room and knowing nobody, followed by having to sit with each person and connect, which takes time and effort. There are always times where you may not walk away with a genuine connection, but through persistence you will eventually be rewarded with a friend.
The in-person communication is like using sticks to make a fire; texting, a lighter. It’s an easy and mindless task that requires significantly less effort. Since it’s so easy to use, it’s easy to rely on—and takes away that sense of achievement. In my classes, I see students check their phones every few minutes to see if they got a message. I’ve seen that when people are bored—rather than connect with those who are around them—they go to their phone and text their friends. Even on dates, people will go on their phones to reply to texts even when they’re in the middle of a conversation. With opportunities to connect through the phone being so easy and abundant, connecting with our community and the people right in front of us has become the more difficult and strenuous of the two options.
In the end, I think it is a cultural thing. Since we naturally crave connections, and most people are online, it only makes sense that we go online to seek connections. Especially for those of us in Gen Z, who have grown up with texting, it makes sense that there would be a dependency. When we make friends, the first thing we do is exchange numbers, Instagram profiles, or Snapchat accounts. It’s easier for us at this point to communicate while separated because that’s the way it’s been for most of our lives. I do believe we are shooting ourselves in the foot, however, having this as our primary method of connection. Perhaps if there was a TikTok trend where people periodically locked their phones away for a day and went out into the world without them, this issue of “lacking connection” would be resolved.
Emily: You might be onto something there. And I love the comparison to that scene in Cast Away. I think that’s a spot-on analysis of why online communication doesn’t feel as meaningful, because it’s not as challenging or necessary.
Keeping in mind how your generation communicates, I’m wondering: How can university or workplace leaders create more opportunities for genuine connection?
Noah: I think it’s easy to say that students or employees should just be required to leave their phones elsewhere during the day—but then what if there’s an emergency? So, I’m not quite sure what the answer is, but I know it needs to involve some sort of distancing from technology.
I’ve always found that I form stronger connections whenever I’m in a place with bad cell service. I once went on a class trip to Maine where we had to leave our phones behind to go whitewater rafting. The conversations that came out of that were truly something beautiful. Perhaps little detox moments like that are a good start: organizing or participating in an activity or event that is tech-free. I think something like that would be great for Gen Z—or any generation, for that matter.
Emily: Absolutely, I think that’s a great idea. And at the individual level, what’s one thing a manager, advisor, or an older mentor could do tomorrow to help a young person feel more connected?
Noah: Make a mistake and laugh it off. I personally believe that the expectations we assume others place on us are another major obstacle to genuine connection. We fear the narratives others might assign to us when we make a mistake or faux pas. Seeing common human error embraced as a normal human trait and not a character flaw is reassuring and encouraging.
Emily: Absolutely, that’s a great point. To follow up on that: if you could change one thing about the way leaders approach Gen Z’s wellbeing, what would it be?
Noah: Caring about one’s wellbeing is good, but to say the wellbeing ‘situation’ is the same across the board for Gen Z simply isn’t true. I don’t like when Gen Z is viewed as “Gen Z.” As much as labeling helps “identify” and “anticipate,” people can make faulty assumptions with labeling. There are people from my generation who may not be technologically inclined whatsoever. Although there are common traits among us, there are also unique traits that get overlooked when we are labeled or generalized.
To answer the question, what I would want leaders to change about how they approach my generation’s wellbeing is that I want leaders to consider us as individuals. In connecting with us one-on-one, they figure out context—which helps them better identify and meet our needs. This also fosters better communication, which I think is great for building and establishing that sense of connection.
Emily: Absolutely, that’s a great piece of advice.
Well thank you so much, Noah, for sharing your insights, and shedding some light on what younger people need to thrive.
To learn more about how Workplace Options (WPO) helps organizations and institutions foster belonging and connection, reach out or visit us at www.workplaceoptions.com.
